Strawberry Fields Forever.

The Beatles were my sunshine today, listening to Strawberry Fields made me decide that the best possible thing to ingest would be one of them. One time when I was younger, perhaps 10-11 or so, I was snooping in the basement and started going through some cardboard boxes. First thing I found was an old mix tape that my dad sent my mom when he was stationed in Germany, and everything on there was by The Beatles. That was some of the first music my ears ever heard and liked.




Spent my night watching Harry Potter with my 3 younger siblings, Briana, Chloe, and Uncle Mark. Chlo and I took pictures, she was mesmerized by my camera ;)






Now I'm laying in bed with Jess and Bri watching 28 Days Later, neither of them have ever seen it so I'm anticipating a lot of screaming on their part.

Because.

Because I'm sick because I'm not sleeping because I'm not tired because this bed is cold because I'm anxious because I don't know what to do because I need you because my face misses being kissed because I want to go home because I don't want to get up tomorrow because I'm not hungry because I haven't seen the moon in two weeks because i don't like people anymore because everyone fell asleep because nobody listens because I wish I had something to say because no one will ever look at my pictures because I have to watch movies alone because enough is never enough because I feel the way I used to because I miss you because I feel crummy because I got hurt so bad it made me cry. 

Run.

After you walked in the door I started to wonder why you ever came here. I think you knew from the beginning that there would never be anything or anyone here for you, and somehow I developed a dependency on you before I could realize that you don't need me. You don't actually need me; not me, or anything about me. Whatever really does hold you here? I don't think I will know. You sat there unaware of thoughts that were infesting me....I told myself to go slowly but all I did was run.  

Once.

He kissed my neck the morning after and left the bed and next time I saw him, he wasn't the same person. I changed him and he changed me and suddenly we weren't the same, we had nothing in common except the short span of sometimes-love that we once shared but no longer remembered. 

Sun.

The sun glints off your eyelashes in the most peculiar way, as though it's pulling gold from them, from your eyes. Your nose is defined by a soft glow, a tiny sparkle from the rays. I don't understand how metallics can enter your skin and hover right below the surface, but they do. Your skin has a pretty texture...I wouldn't tell you that for fear of scaring you with my thoughts, I don't think you wanted to be pretty. Hair sticks up off your head in weird patterns...somehow I convinced you to let me cut it. You said you wanted to look in the mirror and see me in you all the time, you wanted me to make my mark on you. Scissors seemed logical at the time, but now you look like a silly fool.
A silly fool in love.
I will never find another you.

It's not that I find beauty in ordinary things,
it's just that everything is beautiful.
Everything.

Oh hello.

Oh hello.
I was just thinking about you in hopes that you would call and I would be able to say "I was just thinking about you!" as if it were some sort of hugely absurd situation that had just gone down. But you didn't. That is, you didn't call. Maybe you were thinking about me too, thinking that perhaps I would call and say "oh hello" and then you would say "I was just thinking about you!" but the chances of that are quite slim my logic tells me. I don't think you think about me. But that's okay. As long as I'm allowed to think about you I'll be just fine.

I think.